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Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles

Beware, ladies and gentleman, or brave citizen: this is the most boring, repetitive, monotonous article that you will ever read in your life. If you want to keep reading, go ahead – but we are not responsible for serious brain damage caused by extreme rates of dullness. We are also not responsible for the awakening of your personal traumas, since they can be triggered by the subjects contained here.

Buckle your seatbelts, because we are getting started.

Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles

#10: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles

We can’t discuss. Lack of diversity is the principal aspect of this article. Unfortunately, there is a poor bastard who is willing to keep writing it. Oh, no, that’s me. You touched my insecurity. Let’s not talk about it. Move to the next item (the words are going to change your life!).

#9: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles

In this one, we have zero innovation. Clearly a waste of time. According to a research made by MOI (My Opinion Institute), lack of innovation can deal to serious problems with anger, low brain activity and please, Maria, if you are reading this, let me see my daughter. I know you are really upset because I cheated you with the beautiful woman (way hotter than you, such a shame that I forgot her name. Sophia? Sonia?), but you can’t punish me this way. I love the little girl, let me see her, I am begging you. Consider this, or I will call the police. I will do it, for real. God, why can’t I trust my own words?

#8: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles

I just want to take a nap. Why do I have to keep writing this?

I am kidding. I will not take a nap, because I know exactly why I do have to write the article. And I will sit in my desk and finish it RIGHT NOW.

#7: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles

*muffled alarm clock noises and yawn sounds*

#6: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles

Ok. I am 100%  sure you got the joke since the #9 item. And I swear, I really don’t want to make you suffer because of this insipid article anymore. Please, stop reading right now, for God’s sake. Speaking about divinity, if you love God and you want to go to heaven, get out of here. If you love Satan’s muddy toes and you want hard to smell his sulfur scent, keep reading.

Are you not convinced yet? Maybe you just don’t believe in this god. Well, let’s see if I can do something about it.

If you love your sweet little mother, get out of here. If you do not love her,  keep reading.

#5: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles

You’re such a bold person. But are you sure you don’t love your mother? Well, maybe she is a bad woman. Presuming you have a mother, of course. Or two mothers. Or, maybe, even two fathers. Or a single father.

I think I should shut up. Sometimes I say it to people, but now I am saying to myself.

#4: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles

You are in the #4 item, so I think it’s time to explain some important things. You deserve it more than anyone, because you are the strongest person alive.

I really want to earn money from this article, but I have to write at least one thousand and five hundred words, and I am currently at the three hundred sixty-third word. So if you are willing to stay here, I don’t have anything to offer you (actually, I never had). Now, look at the lyrics of Rap God, by Eminem.

*cricket  sounds*

Change of plans. I don’t know a lot about copyright and stuff, but what I do know is that adding those lyrics here doesn’t sound legal. If I am doing this to earn money, probably means that I don’t have conditions to pay for the rights of the song. Instead of Rap God, read a short story about my cats.

I have three cats. I used to like them a lot, but taking care of cats is exhausting and now I am not so sure about this whole affection I was supposed to feel. It doesn’t change the fact that I have to take care of them until they die – or until I get myself killed. The second possibility is more likely to happen, not just because I have a high chance to get killed due to some little details of my life, but also because cats have nine lives and I don’t. I don’t know why I believe it, but seems pretty real.

Let’s keep talking about the three fluffy balls made of bitterness and regret. The oldest boy is actually a girl. Her name? I will not tell, because it is ULTRA embarrassing. The one from the middle is called Junior Jr. and it is also a girl, and the youngest one is a boy and his name is Jasper Leonardo Bagheera. Yes, the name Jasper is because I watched Twilight. I do not recommend it. But I usually do not recommend people to do what I do, due to some little details (as I said before) – so if you want to watch it, make it. That’s none of my problems.

#3: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles

I think I shared more than necessary about my personal life in the description of the last item. Forget about it.

But now, LISTEN TO THIS. I AM GETTING DESPERATE. PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, I TOLD YOU ONCE TO GET OUT OF HERE. RIGHT NOW, THINGS ARE REALLY DANGEROUS IN THIS ARTICLE. DON’T BE A RECKLESS PIECE OF CRAP, BECAUSE SOON OR LATER, YOU WILL FIND YOURSELF DROWNING IN REGRET. IF YOU STILL WANT TO HAVE A FUNCTIONAL BRAIN, IT’S TIME TO GO AWAY.

WHAT THE FU** ARE YOU DOING HERE???? OH, MOTHER OF JESUS, YOU ARE DUMBER THAN I THOUGHT.

#2: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles

Okie-dokie. The last advice didn’t work because you lost the capacity to read. The repetition starved your brain. Oh, God, I warned you, buddy. I am so sorry about it. Now, you are a drooling mess on the floor, and this is my fault (not completely mine, I will not lie).

Wow, I am almost in the last item! Good job, Thay!

#1: Top 10 Least Interesting Top 10 Articles

Finally, this is the last item. I am not sure if I should be happy about it, because it had destroyed another person’s brain.

Well, I don’t care at all, so I am still happy to finish it.

Hasta la vista, baby! WOOOOOHAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I give you a C, and then an O

Another O, and then an L

What does it spell?

COOL!!!!!

This doesn’t make sense, but it is not supposed to. Just imagine a bunch of cheerios dressed in red clothes and waving red puffy things. It gets better.

Buddy? Are you reading this?

A MIRACLE OF SCIENCE! OH, GOD, I CANNOT BELIEVE IT! I AM SO HAPPY THAT YOU ARE OKAY! SOOOOOO HAPPY!!!!!

*damn it, damn it, damn it*

~~~~~~~~ THE END~~~~~~~~

No, this is not the end. There are a few words to go. I HATE BUREAUCRACY.

But I found some royalty-free songs with lyrics (I think). Listen to this:

SOME OF THESE DAYS

Shelton Brooks  1910

as rec by Sophie Tucker w Ted Lewis & his Orch 

Nov 23rd 1926 New York

also rec by-

Ella Retford 1910

Sophie Tucker ’11

Bernie Kreuger & his Orch ’22

The Original Dixieland Jazz Band ’23

Art Landry’s Call Of The North Orch ’23

Fletcher Henderson & his Orch ’27

The Original Indiana Five ’27

Ethel Waters ’27

Bill Haid & his Cubs ’28

Ray Miller & his Orch ’29

Red Nichols & his Five Pennies ’29

The Coon-Sanders Nighthawks ’20’s

Dave Nelson & The King’s Men ’31

Frankie Trumbauer & his Orch ’32

The Quinte Of The Hot Club Of France ’35

George Formby ’39

Jack Hylton & his Orch ’30’s

Billie Holiday ’56

Louis Armstrong & his All Stars ’56

Russ Conway ’58

Teresa Brewer w Luther Henderson & his Orch ’62

Susan Maughan ’62

Sue Rainey w Ralph Carmichael & his Orch ’63

The King Bros ’67

Tony Bennett ’72

Ella Fitzgerald ’73

Cab Calloway & his Orch

Rosemary Clooney,

Lorne Lesley

Annette Warren

Some of these days

You’ll miss me honey;

Some of these days

You’re gonna be so lonely!

You’ll miss my huggin’,

You’ll miss my kissin’,

You’re gonna miss me, honey,

When I’m far away.

I feel so lonely

For you only,

‘Cause you know, honey,

You’ve always had your way;

And when you leave me

You know it’s gonna grieve me,

Gonna miss your big fat momma,

Your momma, some of these days!

Some of these day-ay-ays

You’ll miss me honey;

Some of these days

You’re gonna be so lonely!

You’ll miss my huggin’,

You’re gonna miss my kissin’,

Oh, you’re gonna miss me, honey,

When I’m far away.

I feel so lonely

For you only,

‘Cause you know, honey,

You’ve always had your way;

And when you leave me

You know it’s gonna grieve me,

Gonna miss your big fat momma,

Your momma, some of these days!

(Contributed by Peter Akers – November 2009)

Thanks for reading. *claps*

Written by: Santos, Thay